MB3 (Modern Battlefield 3)

Modern Battlefield 6.

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN BOYS AND GIRLS, LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU, THE MOST ANTICIPATED GAME. OF. ALL. TIME. MODERN BATTLEFIELD 6. IN THIS TOTALLY REALISTIC FIRST PERSON SHOOTER YOU CAN ORDER YOUR … fuck off.

Gaming is a pile of shit these days. I'm not even joking.

Two games are due out shortly (Ones already out actually), Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare 3. Both are going to be major releases and dominate the First Person Shooter Genre for the next 6-12 months. They both have their strengths and weaknesses. I won't list them... because I'm not a cunt.

However, gaming apparently likes to base everything on the community surrounding these two games. So I would like to enlighten everyone who reads this to just what I mean and how far the entire 'community' has degraded.

A) Children. That's right, Children play these games now. “But I'm a teenager sir! I'm 17 and everything!” Fuck you, you're a child until 18 and even then I daren't give you responsibility because you might cry about it. I've seen 9 year olds playing Call of Duty, the kind of game that lets you watch as your main character dies from a nuclear warhead explosion (Fucking hilariously cruel, it works though) I've seen 14 year olds swear like a sergeant in the Fusiliers! All because they think they're allowed to. Parents, do me a massive favour and pay attention to what your kids play these days... realise that is says “M for Mature” or “18+ and over only” and it god-damn means that... for two reasons.

• Firstly, your children are not old enough to play a game where you can slot someone with a sniper rifle at 1km and understand the ramifications of death.
• Secondly, Their voices offend my ears. I don't want to log onto a server and hear “MOTHERFUCKER IM GOING TO SHIT ON YOUR MOM YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!”. Now not every server is like that, but shit... most of them are.

B) Competitiveness. Great stuff, you fancy a knife fight... lets have a laugh. Wicked stuff. Good fun. This doesn't happen any more. Gaming is now full of self-righteous jobless (mainly children) who think spending 6 hours a day mastering No-scoping with an M82 is the greatest thing ever. Few things guys...

• Firstly, Try jumping 360 and no scoping with an m82... that shit is heavy.
• Secondly, Get a job... six hours a day minimum is spent by some kids who play these games mastering pointless things like the above.
• Thirdly, do not whine when someone is better than you. Just because you have spare time, doesn't mean you're god. Be silent when I kick your ass.

Where the fuck did the fun go in gaming. I remember a peaceful time when I could hop onto a CoD4 server, get my ass handed to me and pump out nades like they were no-ones business to make up for my failure. Or grab an M60E3 and destroy everything on Broadcast (awesome map, silence) I could find. Or grab a decent game of Command and Conquer without having to enter leagues and deal with pathetic children who can't be told no (with a 9mm bullet to the skull). Where did the fun go? When did gaming become full of fanboys? When did EA become shi- nevermind...